I work with a great set of people. They’re industrious, polite, and have good hygiene. My latest office companion, however, has a nasty habit of eating other people’s food. He’s also unsanitary, and doesn’t even seal food bags when he’s done stealing. Even more unusual, he was never actually hired.
Apparently mice not only ignore property laws, but also the traditional hiring process.
My little friend—we’ll call him Mick, short for Mickey—first introduced himself by chewing on my coworker’s granola bag. Judging from the tooth marks on the plastic, Mick must have pulled an all-nighter at work. I’ve gotta hand it to him, he’s industrious. Considering the height of our offices—we’re on the second floor—he must also be unafraid of heights. Just what we needed: an intrepid rodent.
Since Mick never responded to HR’s requests, we don’t yet have a photo of him.* It’s therefore unclear whether Mick is a house mouse gone rogue, a field mouse trying out a desk job, or a confused church mouse. Perhaps he represents a new species of corporate mouse, intent on entering the rat race. His height and any disabilities are also undetermined—but judging from his climbing skills, we won’t be installing a mouse size elevator any time soon, or renovating our restrooms to include mouse-accessible stalls.
11/13/2014 UPDATE: After stealing another person’s nuts and becoming a hiss and a byword among his coworkers, I decided to take Mick’s future into my own hands. Apparently, Ortho Home Defense mouse traps work at the office, too. Don’t worry, the company covered the funeral costs.
*A post-mortem picture of Mick was obtained, however due to the reaction it elicited from several of my coworkers (and out of respect for any living relatives), I’ve decided not to post it online. I will say that the term, “flat as a pancake” took on a more literal meaning for me.
©2014. (The mouse mentioned in this post is real. Any resemblance to fictional mice living or dead is purely coincidental.)