It’s the day after Valentine’s Day. The day that’s been called “breakup day.”
A friend of mine once vented to me about breaking up with her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. The kicker? Roses arrived at her door—after they’d broken up. Apparently he forgot to cancel his order.
When a holiday about love ends in divorce, breakups and hate, something needs to change! I’m no love expert (to borrow a phrase from Frozen’s Kristoff), but my limited experience with true love has taught me a few things.
1 True love is based on “faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” False love is based on cynicism, blame, disrespect, laziness, and a “my way or the highway” attitude. Selfish relationships don’t last.
2 Chemistry can’t compare with Coordination. My wife and I, while we were dating, both had the experience of a friend asking us why we hadn’t kissed yet. “How do know if you have chemistry?” You know what? Kissing has never been an issue for us. What we wanted to know was, could we coordinate? Did we work well together? Were our life goals similar? Coordination leads to Chemistry, but Chemistry does not guarantee Coordination.
3 Finances matter. Which direction the toilet paper comes off the roll does not. True love involves talking about the big things (like finances, children, intimacy, and religion), not fighting over little things (like cereal choices, Star Wars vs. Star Trek, and whether to carry an umbrella, wear a coat, or get wet).
4 A good marriage requires more effort than the wedding did. How many couples spend a year planning their wedding, reception, and honeymoon, and then neglect making plans for the next year, let alone a lifetime together?
5 Meaningful gifts are personal. Since I know my wife, I don’t bring her lilies ever. She’s allergic. I do, however, occasionally surprise her with her favorite cereal. This is much more meaningful to her than the latest romantic gift ideas from a magazine.
There you have it, lessons from my limited true love experience. Here’s hoping that wuv, twue wuv, is still with you today.
And whatever you do, don’t plan to start a war with Gilder tomorrow. That’s as dumb as going up against a Cicilian when death is on the line.