Americana, Just for Fun

What the Media Won’t Tell You: The Shortage of Turn Signals

There is a national epidemic that no one is talking about. You won’t find it on NBC, CNN, or Fox News. You probably won’t even find it on your favorite alternative news site. It’s affecting at least 50% of our country’s population, and equally affects every demographic imaginable.

The problem involves our nation’s shortage of turn signals.

You’ve probably heard of turn signals. They’re those little lights that blink right before a car turns or changes lanes. At least, that’s what is supposed to happen. These days, however, more and more cars are being made without turn signal lights. I know this, because about half the cars I come across no longer signal. It’s appalling,  how many of our citizens are unknowingly driving a vehicle that doesn’t know where it’s going. 

At first, I thought this was merely a problem in my state of Delaware. Last week, however, I drove to Florida and back, and let me tell you, the turn signal light shortage is staggering in its prevalence. Multiple sedans, most pickup trucks, and even the occasional semi are apparently unable to notify other drivers of their intentions due to a lack of turn signals. I know from my own driving experience that affected states include California, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, and Texas. (Based solely on my observation of license plates, Georgia and New York seem to be most susceptible to the turn signal shortage. Texas makes up for any shortage by having bigger lights, period.)

Thankfully, there are still cars with turn signals. One car—I’ll call it Luigi—had excellent turn signals. They could be seen especially well when Luigi cut into our lane, leaving an ample 11″ between its bumper and ours at over 60mph.

Just yesterday, however, my wife noticed a sedan affected by the turn signal shortage. It stopped suddenly in the middle of the road, with no sign of where it was headed next. After a few seconds, it turned left—completely unannounced, thanks to the turn signal shortage it was obviously suffering from. Thankfully, our car was not affected by a brake shortage, so no one was hurt and both cars escaped damage.

Something has to be done about this turn signal shortage. Local organizations, such as Jaycee groups and places of worship, could start asking for turn signal donations. The federal government could offer to subsidize turn signals for families making under $30,000 annually, ensuring that price is not a factor. The government has subsidized sugar since the 1930’s, and it’s clearly helped mitigate our sugar shortage.

Please, share this with someone you think may be affected by the turn signal shortage. The media won’t share this with us, so it’s time for us to educate ourselves.

(Note: it’s extremely easy to be misunderstood on the Internet, so just to clarify: this post is tongue-in-cheek. Our country’s not facing a turn signal shortage, but a lack common sense. The author may or may not have contributed to this…)


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